How My Artistic Style Developed

An Overview

In this post, I describe what it was like for me, as a teenager dealing with mental illness and how I found an outlet to at least somewhat, help me cope with it. I will also explain how that outlet ended up shaping my artistic and personal styles.

Disclaimer: some topics may be triggering for some. In this post I briefly mention - but give little detail about sensitive topics like trauma, and abuse.

How it All Started

As a young teen, I was dealing with mental illnesses – some of which I didn’t even know I had at the time, trauma, and abuse. I felt so alone and I had no where to turn when I felt hopeless and wanted to give up. This was over a decade ago, when mental illness, trauma and abuse were all still taboo topics so I really had no idea what to do.

Finding an Outlet

After a few years of attempting to navigate all of this on my own, I found a few songs by a rock/alternative band that really resonated with me and what I had been experiencing. For the first time, I really felt like I wasn’t the only one going through these things. I actually had something I could relate to. It made me feel like I was okay, and like maybe there wasn’t as much wrong with me as I thought. It might sound cliche but as a 14 year old girl, struggling and alone, music really was my only escape

A Genre I Had Never Known Existed

That band, and their songs were from a genre that I had never been exposed to in my childhood, but finally, I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, so I needed to find more.

I spent hours upon hours, diving deeper into that world of alternative music and found so many more singers and bands that all played songs about the same feelings I had. Even some heavier metal bands, punk and even screamo bands.

Dark, But Beautiful

I saw all these people with this colored or dark hair, thick eyeliner, and black lips. They had tattoos, they wore necklaces with spikes, and pants with more zippers than I could count, and I thought they were all so cool! They were different, dark and beautiful. Sort of scary and elegant at the same time. So I did what I know now, so many other people have done…

Teen Angst

I dressed like them in the ways I could, I begged my parents to let me color my hair, and get piercings. When they said no, I colored my hair with Sharpies and stained all of my clothes, and pierced my lips and ears with the wrong kind of needles and eventually got infections. I just wanted to be able to express myself in ways that I couldn’t and unfortunately ended up making some stupid decisions because of it. But that’s why I’m so adamant about people being given more opportunities to be able to do what I couldn’t/didn’t know how to do.

More Than Meets The Eye

Music is what shaped who I am today. My style, what I like to wear, how I decorate my home, and especially the art I create, all stem from the love of that music.

And contrary to what some may believe, rock and heavy metal, don’t always, or even the majority of the time have anything to do with hating God, or being evil. I myself am actually very spiritual. What I love most about it, is that there are so many people, going through these difficult times, difficult emotions, being so open and putting that all out in the open in front of the whole world. And so many of them do it to help others who have felt, or still feel the same. It is dark, but it’s also deep and emotional, and that is beautiful.

Limited Accessibility

Unfortunately, the kind of clothes and accessories, and even artwork I could find that represented that style, could only be found at less than a handful of stores, all of which my parents wouldn’t let me shop at.

Luckily, there are a lot more options nowadays. There are so many places that offer more than what’s ‘mainstream‘ or ‘trending’ at the time and that is what I want to be a part of.

The Goal, Moving Forward

I want my business to be a relatively affordable, source of originality and self expression for the more alternative people. The ones who don’t fit into the mainstream, or don’t even want to. The ones who want to separate themselves from the flock and instead of following, be someone who knows they’re different, embraces it and shows everyone else that they could too. I guess that might be a little too idealistic but hey, a little optimism never hurts